Originally Posted on Tuesday, June 3, 2008 at 9:41pm ·
June 2nd- The "First Day"
Coming back home I was kind of concerned about staying in shape without a lovely fitness center to head over to as a means of procrastination. Every now and then over the past week the thought ran through my head, "How am I going to exercise?" And then I would let it float away as I enjoyed yet another movie and another bag of popcorn with my family.
Workout worries no more! I discovered Accommodations Aerobics. Here are some of the key exercises that will help you attain that summer look.
Dancing Elephant
For the biceps:
- Acquire an industrial vacuum cleaner with a head of approx. 50lbs. Crumble up a loaf of dry, mold-encrusted bread on a deep carpet. Plug in the vacuum and proceed to push and pull the vacuum over the carpet, alternating pushing arms until all the crumbs are gone. (Warning: this may take forever.)
Standing Fish
For the thighs and quads:
- Stand in a shower that is the size of a broom closet. (Use a smaller sized shower if that is all that is available to you but a shower any bigger will disrupt the funciton of the exercise.) With a sponge and a bucket full of water mixed with a sickly cherry-smelling substance (children's cough syrup will suffice) proceed to scrub the shower walls in long strokes, standing all the way up and squatting all the way back down on each stroke, for all 360 degrees of the shower. For the advanced Standing Fish make sure to bump your shoulders and back against the shower knobs so that the water comes on full blast and freezing cold as you scrub.
Swaying Giraffe
For the neck and back:
-Hold a ten foot chimney sweep pole completely vertical with the base at shoulder height. Stand and stare at the top of the pole. Occasionally, move the pole slightly back and forth to sweep away imaginary cobwebs but maintain the base at shoulder height. NEVER LET IT DROP BELOW SHOULDER LEVEL. Continue until you collapse in pain or unconsciousness.
Accommodations Aerobics is not responsible for any injury accrued in the attempt of executing these exercises. Results may vary. Batteries not included. See your doctor to see if Accommodations Aerobics is right for you.
Coming back home I was kind of concerned about staying in shape without a lovely fitness center to head over to as a means of procrastination. Every now and then over the past week the thought ran through my head, "How am I going to exercise?" And then I would let it float away as I enjoyed yet another movie and another bag of popcorn with my family.
Workout worries no more! I discovered Accommodations Aerobics. Here are some of the key exercises that will help you attain that summer look.
Dancing Elephant
For the biceps:
- Acquire an industrial vacuum cleaner with a head of approx. 50lbs. Crumble up a loaf of dry, mold-encrusted bread on a deep carpet. Plug in the vacuum and proceed to push and pull the vacuum over the carpet, alternating pushing arms until all the crumbs are gone. (Warning: this may take forever.)
Standing Fish
For the thighs and quads:
- Stand in a shower that is the size of a broom closet. (Use a smaller sized shower if that is all that is available to you but a shower any bigger will disrupt the funciton of the exercise.) With a sponge and a bucket full of water mixed with a sickly cherry-smelling substance (children's cough syrup will suffice) proceed to scrub the shower walls in long strokes, standing all the way up and squatting all the way back down on each stroke, for all 360 degrees of the shower. For the advanced Standing Fish make sure to bump your shoulders and back against the shower knobs so that the water comes on full blast and freezing cold as you scrub.
Swaying Giraffe
For the neck and back:
-Hold a ten foot chimney sweep pole completely vertical with the base at shoulder height. Stand and stare at the top of the pole. Occasionally, move the pole slightly back and forth to sweep away imaginary cobwebs but maintain the base at shoulder height. NEVER LET IT DROP BELOW SHOULDER LEVEL. Continue until you collapse in pain or unconsciousness.
Accommodations Aerobics is not responsible for any injury accrued in the attempt of executing these exercises. Results may vary. Batteries not included. See your doctor to see if Accommodations Aerobics is right for you.
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